Letting Go versus Giving Up: The pursuit of Mukti
Notes from a Dr Vikas Divyakirti’s lecture
In summary, letting go can be a positive and intentional act of releasing what is no longer beneficial, while giving up is generally seen as a more passive and defeatist approach. Letting go allows for personal growth and resilience, whereas giving up may lead to missed opportunities and stagnation.
Hearing Dr. Divyakirti on YouTube is always a delightful experience. So much so that last evening, faced with a choice between a 90-minute Netflix movie and a 90-minute lecture by Dr. Divyakirti on “The Art of Letting Go,” I opted for the latter.
In a style that I found very inspirational, Dr. Divyakirti illustrates the theme of letting go with true stories from his life. Throughout the lecture he emphasizes that learning how to let go is as a crucial tool for navigating the challenges in our lives, particularly in our Careers and Relationships.
While we invest time in building job skills and collecting certifications for our Linked In profiles, we forget the importance of cultivating tools to build our psychological well-being. In our fast-paced and competitive city lifestyles, the absence of a psychological skill set contributes to the alarming recent news incidents like these.
Handling rejection is a skill to be learnt 🎯
In both our professional and personal lives, we encounter numerous situations that require us to endure the pain of letting go — be it in romantic relationships, layoffs, or losing loved ones. Dr. Divyakirti shares his parents’ story, highlighting the impact of his father’s equanimity on his longevity. He emphasizes that letting go is a crucial skill for a long and healthy life.
What stood out to me was his use of Radha and Yashodra as examples to support his case. Radha, Krishna’s lover, experiences heartbreak as Krishna leaves to confront the evil king Kansa. Yashodhra is upset with Buddha, formerly Siddharth, for departing without a proper farewell. It was a unique perspective for me, viewing Radha and Yashodra as lessons in letting go.
Reflecting on my own life, I acknowledge instances, where I have struggled to let go. Such as my engineering studies — even after 25 years, I carry guilt about not managing my academics during those 4 years better so as to make my parents proud.
Interestingly, Dr. Divyakirti also provides examples of individuals still burdened by not not able to crack IAS even after two decades of their final attempt.
For middle aged individuals like us, Dr. Divyakirti references Dev Anand’s 1962 movie “Hum Dono” and the song “Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya” written by Sahir Ludhianvi.
The lyrics talk about reaching a point where there is no distinction between sorrow and happiness, symbolizing a journey towards liberation and breaking free from our own thought prisons.
गम और खुशी में फर्क न महसूस हो जहां
मैं दिल को उस मुकाम पे लता चला गया
.
I took my heart to that point,
Where there is no difference
between sorrow and happiness
Overall, it was a profound talk that helped me grasp the idea that our entire life is a pursuit of “Mukti” or liberation from the cycles of death and life, as well as liberation from our own mental patterns.
In case you are interested in pursuing this further — here’s a small write up on the distinction between Letting Go and Giving Up
Letting go often involves releasing control or attachment to something, someone, or a situation that is causing distress or no longer serving your well-being. It can be a conscious decision to free yourself from negative emotions, expectations, or outcomes. Letting go is often associated with acceptance, self-care, and moving forward.
On the other hand, giving up typically implies surrendering without putting in the necessary effort to overcome challenges. It may involve abandoning goals, dreams, or relationships without trying to find solutions or alternatives. Giving up can be a response to frustration, hopelessness, or a perceived inability to cope with difficulties.
Five examples each of letting go and giving up in everyday life:
Letting Go:
1. Letting go of a past relationship: Accepting that a romantic relationship has ended, acknowledging the emotions, and allowing oneself to move on for personal growth.
2. Letting go of perfectionism at work: Recognizing that it’s okay not to be perfect, delegating tasks when needed, and focusing on progress rather than dwelling on minor imperfections.
3. Letting go of a grudge: Choosing to forgive someone who has wronged you, releasing negative feelings, and freeing yourself from the burden of resentment.
4. Letting go of unrealistic expectations: Adjusting expectations about a situation or outcome to align with reality, reducing stress and disappointment.
5. Letting go of control in parenting: Allowing children to make their own choices, learn from mistakes, and develop independence, even if it means stepping back from a desire to control every aspect of their lives.
Giving Up:
1. Giving up on a challenging project too soon: — Abandoning a creative or work project at the first sign of difficulty without exploring solutions or seeking support.
2. Giving up on a fitness goal after a setback: Quitting a fitness regimen entirely after missing a few workouts, instead of adjusting the plan or finding alternative exercises.
3. Giving up on communication in a relationship: Refusing to address issues, express feelings, or work through challenges, leading to the deterioration of the relationship.
4. Giving up on a career aspiration without exploration: Abandoning a career goal without seeking advice, gaining new skills, or exploring different paths to achieve the desired outcome.
5. Giving up on personal development during a tough time: Succumbing to challenges without seeking personal growth opportunities or support, leading to stagnation and missed opportunities for resilience.
Hope this was useful for you 🌸
