Controlling Delhi’s Pollution
An Open Letter (दरख़्वास्त) to Sh. Elon Musk
As pollution in Delhi appears increasingly uncontrollable, the lack of political will and the public’s preoccupation with daily struggles (मगजमारी) have left the issue unresolved. Hence, this open letter is addressed to Shri Elon Musk.
Instead of focusing solely on building semiconductor factories or internet highways, I propose that the Government of India entrust Shri Musk with the task of shaping a new WoMan based on the following specifications.
This structure represents an optimized, semi-robotic human capable of surviving and thriving in polluted cities, post-nuclear environments, and even space exploration missions. We don’t need no reproduction in the new WoMan — as we have enough of humans already.
Why Shri Musk? Because, after Shri Trump, he holds the esteemed title of the most powerful man in the universe today. And let’s be honest, we Indians have an enduring love affair with a Gora telling us what to do — it just feels more… authoritative, doesn’t it? No matter how many homegrown geniuses we churn out, nothing quite beats the allure of imported wisdom wrapped in a Tesla or tweeted at 3 a.m. from Mars.
Shri Musk’s visionary aura is just the sprinkling of stardust we need to finally convince ourselves to act — because self-motivation is so overrated.
Must Haves:
This upgraded WoMan should come with built-in air purifiers, noise-cancellation systems, and UV-resistant skin because who needs natural sunlight or silence when you’re battling smog and honking horns all day?
Forget lungs — replace them with high-efficiency HEPA filters.
And eyes? Let’s swap them for multi-spectrum sensors capable of seeing through haze and identifying potholes from a mile away.
No digestive system either — just a USB-C port for solar charging and maybe a backup algae-powered energy system for those gloomy Delhi winters.
Emotions? Optional. We can’t afford anyone feeling despair when they see the AQI hitting 900.
As for the brain, it must be programmed to navigate endless bureaucracy and traffic jams without meltdown. Think AI with a built-in Jugaad algorithm.
The new WoMan should also come with a sarcasm module to survive those Twitter debates about whether Delhi’s pollution is the result of crop burning or inefficiency of the current political party.
Lastly, why bother with hair when it’s only going to collect soot and PM2.5 particles? Instead, a sleek, aerodynamic scalp with solar panels will do the job.
Elon bhai, it’s time to save humanity — or at least re-engineer it to adapt to the chaos we’ve created.
